Chapter 4 Question 3

After reading chapter four, I had a conversation with my mom. In our conversation, we had a disagreement but, this time I handled it differently. My mom was trying to convince me to talk to one of my family members that had previously exchanged some unpleasant words with me. The words hurt me so bad that I lashed back at him calling him names. In that situation, I did not use the S-TLC method instead, I responded quickly in a negative way. After four month, I still have not had an apology from this person and I feel extremely hurt to even say a word to him. While having a conversation with my mom, I stopped, gave her a chance to state her opinion then and after taking a few seconds gave her my opinion as well. Using the S-TLC method has helped me communicate better with my mother instead of arguing about our disagreements. This is an amazing method, it really works!

Chapter 4 Question 2

When people are talking to me, for the most part I am thinking about what they are saying. Although I am listening and taking things in, it doesn’t mean I always agree with them. This may be why the S-TLC method is hard for me to follow. When I first start to listen to the other person talk, I stop and listen. Once they say something I don’t agree with, I start to drift off a little and think about how wrong I think the person is. The times I do think about my own interest is when someone is talking to and he or she is just going on and on about everything. When I feel like there is no end to the conversation I just think about my own interest and nod my head so they think I am still listening to what they are saying. When someone is talking to me about something really serious I give them my undivided attention. There is no drifting off; all my attention is on him or her for support.

Chapter 4 Question 1

Personally, I find it a bit difficult to stop a conflict. When I feel that someone is in the wrong and has crossed the line, I tend to interrupt and talk over them. This unfortunately an automatic response I have in some conflicts. Although, when it comes to my work place, I deal with conflict a little differently. I take a quick minute to gather my thoughts and say what is on my mind in a polite way. For myself and for others, I highly recommend the S-TLC method to deal with conflicts. It is a great way to stop and take a moment to gather your thoughts and listen to what the other has to say. If you stop, you save yourself the embarrassment of over reacting.  When you think before you act, you are most likely not going to regret your actions. Listening can help to communicate better and help mend the conflict. Last but not least, both parties should always communicate. This will allow the conflict to be discussed in a calmer manner and provide healthy confrontation. This system is highly recommended for all conflicts and will have positive outcome. What works best for me is having a whole day to gather my thoughts. It helps me not overact as well as allows me to jot down all the points I want to discuss.

Chapter 11 Question Three

                                                      The Role Of The Mediator

A mediator plays a very important role when solving a conflict. The mediator is able to look at a problem from both point of views. The mediator should have a neutral l feeling towards both parties so that he or she does not favor one over the other. The mediator also can calm a heated conversation down and try to interpret what one or the other is saying to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. For example, I have a meeting coming up with my coworker and manager. My coworker likes to talk behind my back and has a made a perception of me to the manager that is not true. Because my coworker is passive aggressive, my manager favors her.  My manager doesn’t not notice she is being passive aggressive but I can see right through her. I am not looking forward to this meeting because it is obvious my manager favors my coworker. A mediator should not make it obvious that he or she favors one over the other. If so, one of the parties may feel uncomfortable and the conversation may not go smoothly.

Chapter 11 Question Two

Using common ground methods to solve a problem can really help find a resolution. It may seem that in many conflicts people often forget not to involve their interpersonal problems.  To help solve a conflict, I would mostly definitely use  fractionation. This way, the problems are much easier to deal with. If I do not do this, the conflict might seem overwhelming for both parties. Also, when looking at the problems in portions, one might remember what to say. Often if the issue is looked at and is trying to be solved as a whole, one might forget what they wanted to say. That may lead to an issue that is never discussed therefore, never solved.

Framing is an excellent technique to keep the conversation very neutral and calm. This way, the issues are getting solved instead of feeling belittled by the other party. This will help conflicts become more of a stress reliever instead of leaving the conversation very tense. Reframing can help the conversation flow without hurting one another which is key for solving an issue. I might also use common ground to avoid any future conflicts. When using common ground, both parties are able to discuss expectations and goals to help one another work together in a healthy environment. All of these techniques are very important and can most definitely solve any issue.

Chapter 11 Question One

Communication majors make excellent mediators because we come in with a variety of different techniques. Not only do we come in with different techniques but, we are trained not to take sides. Through our training, we are able to encourage others to cooperate and stray away from competition. The average person is more prone to let their own opinion affect the conflict or conversaion. They are not skilled like communication majors are to make the conversation flow a lot smoother. Because they are not skilled, they are not aware of which boundaries to cross. When it comes to lawyers, the are likely to take a side, that is their job. They are trained to take a side and deffend it with facts and strong opinions. A psychotherapist might find it hard to mediate because they might take in to account the emotional affects each person has. Therefore coming to a conclusion would be very difficult for both lawyer and psychotherapist as apposed to a  trained communication major.

Chapter 3 Passive -aggressive communication

This concept really interest me mainly because I am experiencing a lot of this at work. I feel that people who use passive-aggressiveness as a form of communication are very selfish and not trustworthy. At work, I have two managers. I have my counter manager who runs our cosmetics line and another manager who runs the whole cosmetics department. My counter manager and I use to be friends before I started working with her. I have the same manager experience as she but I came to work under her as a part time worker to focus more on school. When I started working with her, she had just got promoted to counter manager. The main cosmetics manager was noticing that our counter was always messy and seen that I was constantly cleaning. She approached the other girls and I and asked if our counter manager was doing any of the cleaning and we told the truth and said no. My counter manager was always making me set up and take down for all events and gave my coworker and I bad schedules. She never worked a Sunday and always opened. The main manager quickly noticed and instead of my counter manager working on helping out she talked really bad about me and blamed all her failers on me. She stabbed me in the back and went straight to the manager instead of talking to me. Before I had talked to the main managers about the issues, I approached her and gave her a chance to fix it. Her intentions were to make me look bad just so she could make herself look good. I think she it is jealous that I make my goal on a daily and she is scared that I will take her positions which are not my intentions at all.  People who are passive-aggressive try and find an easy way out and tend to point fingers to make themselves feel better. I hope that these people will find a better way to communicate because this form of communication will not always get them out of trouble.

Chapter 3 Abusive Parents

Every child needs discipline at one point in their life. There are several different ways to discipline a child and some parents choose to hit their children. I do believe that a child does need a little smack every now and then when they are misbehaving although, it shouldn't hurt. I believe that when you a hit a child or teen it should hurt them within not without. I feel that the pain they feel within from disappointing their parents is much stronger than pain without. When a child begins to have bruises or cuts is when the line is definitely drawn and that's when it is called abuse! A child should not be beaten just so he or she can learn their lesson. If parents are abusive, I believe that will cause a huge strain on the relationship. Instead of the child feeling comfortable talking to the parents, they will become afraid of their parents which can lead children to hiding secrets. Children should feel comfortable communicating with their parents so that they could guide them through life. Without communication there is no guidance for the child. Strict discipline can be taught through firm talks and grounding them from entertainment. There is no reason why parents should become abusive.

Chapter 3

The orientation that I use is the relationship-centered orientation.  I use this orientation because I feel this is best for avoiding conflict. An example of how I have used relationship-centered orientation in the past, is when I use to be a counter manager. I had a part-time worker who worked a minimum of 15 hours a week. She was having a very difficult time managing school and work. It was so hard on her that she would call out sick several times during the week. It would get me very angry when she did not show because my counter had no coverage at night once I left work. Instead being passive aggressive or avoiding the conflict, I sat down with her to ask her what I could do to help her out at work. We figured out a good schedule for her and she started showing up to work. A couple of weeks later, she started calling out sick and eventually stop showing up. The out come is not always what I want when I use relationship-centered orientation but, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe her not showing up was best so that I could find someone who fit the position.  I favor this orientation and almost never lean toward another. In my opinion this is the best way to solve a problem and avoid conflict that is not needed.

Concept from chapter 2

The confrontational avoidance cycle is a concept that really interest me.  This concept mainly introduces the fact that there are many people who avoid any type of sticky situations. He or she usually start talking about something else when the conflict is brought up or, will avoid the person he or she has the conflict with. I can definitely relate to confrontational avoidance cycle when is comes to my job. Currently, I am a beauty advisor for a successful cosmetics company. I am part time employee who came from being a full time counter manager at the last store I was located. I transferred stores to have less hours to focus more on school.  My counter manager is someone who avoids any kind of conflict and is also passive-aggressive. She is very lazy and I do all her work. When I come to her and try and talk about what is bothering me, she always seems to talk about something different or just says that we will sit down and talk about it later. The tension at the counter is growing by the minute because she is avoiding the conflict and issues therefore they are not getting solved.  There is always a problem but never a solution. Because of the lack of communication, the counter is very dis functional and it does not make my work place enjoyable. Lack of communication is something very big when it comes to any types of relationships. When there is good communication, there is good flow. Without it, it is a sinking ship.

Chapter 2

It is definitely hard to admit but, I use non- process communication.  As a teen, I use to think my ways were always the right ones.  No matter what, I would argue my way until I got the answer I wanted. After my teen years I came to realize that I need to be considerate of how other people think.  Not everyone grew up like me and have the same value. Some people just don't know any better and have grown up a certain way.
One good example of this was when I was 16 years old and had a boyfriend.  My boyfriend and I were complete opposites.  Both of his parents got into trouble when he was a young boy and he had to live with his grandmother who was to old to care where he was constantly was going. I was fortunate enough to have my mother and two sisters who truly cared about me. My boyfriend eventually had got caught up into the gang life and was doing things I did not approve of. I would always nag at him for skipping school and participating in all the bad habits his gang member had.  Then, he would judge me for judging him. I could never see his view and he could never see mine.  I could never understand how he felt like his gang member friends were the only people who cared about him and could not understand the cycle and history his family had with gangs. I expected more out of him and he expected to repeat his family history because he felt like that's all he could do.
It was a process that never stopped.

Chapter 1

I truly believe that conflict is an inborn trait. I believe that some people get along better when a conflict occurs.  Conflicts allow people to eventually sit down with  one another and discuss their opinions and try and to compromise. Situations like this refer to conflict resolution.  It is in our nature to have different opinions from people we work with and have close relationships.  In a work place there is usually conflict resolution because the goal is to find a solution to have a happy work environment.  In chapter one, the author mentions inevitability of conflict principle which expands on how we as human beans should learn  to deal with minor and major conflicts. No matter how much we try and avoid conflict, there is no stopping it.  There are different ways of confronting conflict, it is just a matter of choice.  People usually try to avoid conflict because it is a very uncomfortable situation as said so in chapter one. Although, the more conflict is confronted, the more confident we feel when dealing with a new one.  Conflict is very natural when having close relationships.  The more comfortable you are with a friend, lover or family member, the more opinionated one another become. There is conflict all around us, it is a choice on how one deals with it.