It is definitely hard to admit but, I use non- process communication. As a teen, I use to think my ways were always the right ones. No matter what, I would argue my way until I got the answer I wanted. After my teen years I came to realize that I need to be considerate of how other people think. Not everyone grew up like me and have the same value. Some people just don't know any better and have grown up a certain way.
One good example of this was when I was 16 years old and had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were complete opposites. Both of his parents got into trouble when he was a young boy and he had to live with his grandmother who was to old to care where he was constantly was going. I was fortunate enough to have my mother and two sisters who truly cared about me. My boyfriend eventually had got caught up into the gang life and was doing things I did not approve of. I would always nag at him for skipping school and participating in all the bad habits his gang member had. Then, he would judge me for judging him. I could never see his view and he could never see mine. I could never understand how he felt like his gang member friends were the only people who cared about him and could not understand the cycle and history his family had with gangs. I expected more out of him and he expected to repeat his family history because he felt like that's all he could do.
It was a process that never stopped.
I appreciate the honesty in your post. Sometimes it is difficult to compromise your standpoint, especially when you believe it to be true, however; it is necessary to do so in order to maintain respect in a relationship. It is always easier to see things in hindsight, as I'm sure you now realize that a relationship-centered approach would have been more beneficial. It is near impossible to reach a resolution with an overly passive or overly aggressive approach, which is why we must work to find common ground and a strategy that is effective for not only us, but the other person as well. I agree that my handle on conflict has changed since my teen years and it is still something I am working on to this day!
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